Friday, 10 April 2020

The Waves of Grief poem

The Waves of Grief

It doesn’t matter how strong
When the waves come they batter
It doesn’t matter how sad
Those waves crash over, no matter
How prepared
#How surrounded by those you love
Nothing can stop the push of water
The pull of the undertow
Trending water
Going under
Come back up
Put on a brave face for shoe

But the pressure of the sorrow
Actual hurts in my chest
The pressure of tomorrow
I feel under duress
To keep going
Despite the siren call to
Stop floating
And just let go
To know
I will not see you again
Is just too real, too surreal

The waves come crashing
Choking
Taking my breath away
And I say
“I miss you Dad”
And I keep swimming
Heavy legs and struggling arms
All twisted and uncoordinated
My world turned upside down
Disjointed, discombobulated
Debris
Life jacket
Comes past out of nowhere
I just grab for whatever
I don’t care

I’ll take a hand, a laugh, a smile
And hold it like I’ve been given gold
A moment of happiness
Or gratitude
Wherever I can find it
Like a pearl in an oyster
Or a piece of driftwood to hold

When dragged under or over by the waves of grief

Battered and broken
Drowning alone
Those precious moments of human empathy
Can remind me of home

I am Dadless, I am sadness
This is who I am now
But there is happiness
And memories to hold on to too
I am sadness, Happiness
Laughter and loss
Darkness and light
Solid and ghost
I am strong
I am weak
I am a human who’s grieving
I am silence
I am song
I am grateful to be breathing

The poem was written by Viv Chamberlin-Kidd 
17 days after her Dad’s death on 25/01/20

Here is a video of my saying the poem on a FB ‘live’ on 10th April 2020 can be viewed here on YouTube https://youtu.be/5tKJC72lOk4

Friday, 3 April 2020

Some of my Shamanism back story

It was an interesting set of events that led to me becoming a shamanic practitioner
after my religious upbringing. After having my 2 amazing children, with a molar pregnancy
miscarriage at 19 weeks pregnant in between, I felt that my emotions were hindering my
desire and ability to home educate my children. As a successful IT programmer, turned
stay-at-home-parent, I didn’t want to be an angry or resentful person around my children.

Having tried weekly therapy for about a year, I felt I needed more and so in 2009, I attended
the Hoffman Process - a 7-day residential course to change any inherited behavioural patterns
that prevent you from feeling fully alive. During this process, you learn to identify and honour
your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual sides (your quadrinity.) It was during this time of
transformational work that I started wondering about my Christian upbringing and how I was going
to honour my spiritual side without any hierarchical religious involvement. 


It was, strangely enough, my Dad (a Church of England Priest) who facilitated me finding the
answer because he had visited a shamanic practitioner a few years before to discuss the
idea of Jesus being a Shaman. He had bought a copy of the practitioner’s book ‘The Spirits
Are Always with Me’ (Jane Shutt.) I had mentioned how some of the exercises during the
Hoffman Process had felt very tribal and so he had given me the book to read. I had an
epiphany moment during one of the chapters where it talked about ‘The Void’ (a place souls
get stuck) and ‘soul retrievals.’ It talked about how we can ‘lose’ bits of ourselves and I knew
that I had lost bits of myself through repeated bullying at school, the miscarriage and the
horrendous way I was treated in hospital during my subsequent termination procedure,
the death of loved ones, even being dyslexic at school, to name just a few thoughts that
popped into my head as I read.


I put the book down immediately, got on the internet, found Jane and booked an
appointment (luckily at the time she lived in Scarborough as I lived in York.) At the appointment,
I got my power animal (my personal spirit helper to empower me in everyday life) and I did
indeed receive 2 soul parts back (one that was stuck in The Void.) It was an enlightening
experience because I hadn’t mentioned my fears to Jane about being down The Void but
also to find out why those parts had left in the first place. 


Being a course junkie at that time I was excited to learn more and book on the Introduction
to Shamanism as well as the year-long Deepening Your Connection course with Jane and
her partner Christine. I learnt to ‘journey’ to the spirit world for power, knowledge, to bring
back healing, etc. This is the primary way that Native Shamans around the world go to the
spirit world either via a drumbeat or through rhythmic rattling. It was exciting, scary and
during my training, I was beginning to recognise the many subtle positive changes in my
emotions, my levels of stress, my relationships with others and it felt like I could fully put
into practice what I had learnt on the Hoffman Process. I had often felt pressure and overwhelm
before but with my power animal and the other spirit teachers I was finding as part of my training
and as I was learning more about shamanic healing techniques it felt like I had graduated from a
3 geared bike to a 10 geared bike: everything was just easier and more fluid.


I didn’t feel the need to find the next course that would change my life or fix whatever was
‘wrong’ with me. It was such a relief to me (and my bank balance) as I had already trained in
EFT, NLP, Silva Method, Reiki, started a hypnotherapy course, done an introduction to counselling
and although I had learnt a lot there just wasn’t that feeling of empowerment or grace that
I was getting now I was learning the ancient skills of shamanism. Instead, I enrolled (for personal
development reasons only) on the 3 years Core Shamanic Practitioner training - ‘Healing the
Fractured Soul.’ I learnt to conduct soul retrievals, power animal retrievals, blessings, a stone
divination technique which I call Guided Pictures in the Stone (GPS); psychopomping (making
sure people who have dies get to the Land of the Dead for healing) as well as other shamanic
techniques to bring back power, balance and healing. 


It wasn’t always easy, I often felt like a fraud as it was so far removed from my Christian
upbringing but it was liberating, powerful and I received at least 10 soul parts back. I got to
know my spirit teachers and guides and my power animal so well that they are like my own
personal advisory board with my best interest at heart, there when I need support, advice,
power or protection.


It was during my 3rd year of training that I knew that  I couldn’t keep what I was learning to
myself - I had to let other people experience the subtle, exponential power and clarity
shamanic healing or a GPS session can give you. Once I finished training I offered sessions
to anyone who was referred to me by my teachers (who had moved to Wales at this point)
or if anyone felt drawn to me when I discussed my shamanic belief system. However at the
Autumnal Equinox 2019, to fit around home educating my children, I officially opened my doors
as Essentially Shamanic (incorporating my shamanic and spiritual essential oil work.)

Things were going really well when I was involved in a car accident on election day last year.
Although only mildly injured I was left with some knee and upper back issues which meant
I needed to recuperate and couldn’t easily practice shamanic healing which involves kneeling
and quite a lot of movement. A journey to my spirits led me to take my business online which
is how I am now able to offer 90+ minute sessions via zoom and distance healing to anyone
who wants a session.


If, like me, you have experienced the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakup, an
accident, bullying or any life transition (menopause, children leaving home, moving house
children changing schools, etc,) where you feel that maybe you have lost a bit of
your ‘spark’ or haven’t felt the same since then I can help.

I can honestly say that until I experienced my first few soul retrievals, I hadn’t realised that I was working on ‘half batteries’ as I call it. I now feel more peaceful, content, able to accept lives stresses more easily than I used to. I accept who I am more easily without needing the external validation I always craved. Don’t get my wrong, life is still stressful, I like getting external validation, things are not ‘perfect’ but shamanism has changed who I am, how I feel and how I conduct my business.